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  • Writer's pictureMs. Cynthia

My Wife Is Going Through Menopause And Her Sex Drive Is Gone


Photo by James Lee on Unsplash

Dear Miss Cynthia, My wife and I are 50 years old and have been married for 20 years. We love and respect each other and have always been faithful. We could talk about anything. We spend all of our time together. Our relationship is the envy of all who know us, we are so close. Our love is intact. However, our relationship is going crazy. About two years ago my wife started menopause. She completely lost her sex drive. She would have sex with me but it was only for me. I guess because we are so close I could tell she was not "into it" at all. I felt totally alone. It just was not right anymore, I felt like I was raping my wife. This led to me not being able to keep an erection. Viagra worked once but the power of the love is stronger and I can't make love to my wife when she has no desire for me sexually. (Believe me, I tried.) It has been over a year and a half now with no sex at all. She doesn't hold me at night anymore. If I put my arm around her in her sleep, she pushes me away. When I kiss her, she makes it short. We don't talk about it, the last thing she said concerning it was, "I'm going through menopause and it was really bad the last few times". (That put any self-esteem I had left in the toilet) I know she feels bad about it I can see it on her face. Now we both sit and watch TV and don't talk very much until she falls asleep. That's when I start crying. My chest hurts, my headaches and very real pain take hold. I am afraid, all this scares me. I'm just waiting for it to end, and get my wife back. AAhhhhhhhhhhhhh! (*screaming*) I can't take it anymore, it's making me nuts. - Wanting my Wife back Dear Wanting my Wife back, You are going through a great deal of agony and together we will get to the bottom of this! I have done some research and found that more common than not, the husbands are the victims of the hormonal imbalance of female menopause! Men are the closest to their spouse, so they endure the wrath. Has your wife been to the doctor, even the pharmacy, or done any research? You must both keep trying until you find the solution, there is one out there. You must try, try, and try again! There are a variety of options, you cannot wait until it passes, and sometimes menopause can last several years! Believe it or not, soy milk was the solution for me. I was lucky! Please read the below information I gathered online... Be sure to keep me posted until this is resolved and let me know if your wife is willing to find a cure (this is an important factor)!

SOME ONLINE INFORMATION: The Menopause Monster Lurks The slumbering Monster has awoken. His nap is over and he is ready to feed again. On the outside, all appears normal, but inside of me, there is a raging presence that will not go away. He might take a rest, but he always shows up again. This Monster that has taken up residence was uninvited. He is unwelcome, but I cannot find a way to make him pack up and go. I'm feeling as if the doctors are pretty clueless about this whole eviction process as well. All I know is that all is not well. I long to be myself again. It is definitely a chemical change within. In fact, if there were such a thing as life police, I'm pretty sure they would arrest me for LUI-living under the influence of hormones. Just like the effects of alcohol, my hormones take control and render all my normal capacity for coping null and void. I become a different person. This morning's experience was a case in point. My brain can acknowledge that each of the events were minor setbacks, but to the monster within, they were snacks bulking him up to gigantic proportions until his power threatens to overwhelm me entirely. My husband had informed me that we needed to take his car to the shop this morning. I was anticipating a quick trip to our nearby shop to drop it off. However, just before we were ready to leave, I overheard my husband tell my youngest that he could eat breakfast when we returned in 45 minutes. This threw me into a panic. I strapped Sean into his seat and ran back inside to grab a cup of milk and a pop tart for him to eat on the way. My husband told me to follow him. I didn't even know where we were going. I discovered also, that I had left behind my cell phone in my last-minute run for Sean's breakfast. He drove off but failed to put down his garage door. (We recently had to have one of the two doors replaced and they are now on two different remotes.) My remote for his door was not working. Thus, I had to get out of the van, manually close his door, re-open my door, get back in the van and re-close my garage door. By this time, he was far pace ahead and I sped off trying to catch up. In the process, Sean's milk spilled all over the floor of the van. These are the kind of small wrinkles that normally would make little more than a bump in my world. But, when the monster begins to bear his fangs, my reactions are not "normal." Internally, I begin to rage. Full-out anger threatens to bring me to a boiling point. Close on the heels of the anger comes overwhelming despair. I am wondering whether my husband and children will survive the experience of living with a woman possessed of an inner monster. I feel as if I should begin introducing myself as if we were in an AA meeting: “Hi, My name is Wendy and I'm menopausal. I hate my husband. I hate my children, I hate my messy house. I hate cleaning it. I hate my life. My higher power seems to have taken a very long vacation. Now, step aside, before I take a bite out of you!" Progesterone Solutions Increasing levels of progesterone in a woman's body is a more logical approach to easing irritability and lessening the symptoms of excess estrogen levels. Look, it makes sense you know? FINALLY: GIVE GRACE So, in summary, it appears the cause of the rages are clearly hormonal-based. Specifically, too much estrogen. The exact hormone that makes us the wonderful ladies that we are can also turn us into Uzi-Carrying-Psycho-Assassins and you, dear spouses, unfortunately, are the kill. Men, please forgive us and be patient with us. I can assure you that none of us enjoy it nor would we deliberately choose it if given another option. When not under the influence of too much estrogen, we realize how irrational our behaviors are. But, much like someone who has consumed too much alcohol, when reaching critical mass, you are just powerless to stop it. I do not say this to excuse the behavior but rather to explain it. Clearly, it is difficult for everyone. As far as us women are concerned, I think we need to own up to the situation and realize how difficult it is for those around us. The best example I can offer is to think of how difficult your teens were or have been or currently are. We also know it is the hormonal-induced state they are in and their lack of brain development that makes them behave in ways that are very difficult for us as their parents to cope with. Yet, even with this knowledge, which of us wouldn’t like to farm them out for about 5 years until they get over it? So it is with our mates. If we ask for compassion and grace, we must also be willing to give it back and understand they are in a difficult position as well. Then run to your nearest pharmacy and get your progesterone girls.

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