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Dear Miss Cynthia,
It happened 6 years ago when I was 14 and my older brother who was 22 at the time was killed. When I was little, he was my total hero and I always wanted to grow up to be just like him. So when he died I had a severe bout with depression.
I slowly got better in high school, but now that I'm about to turn 21 in October and I'm slowly approaching his age, I just feel so much sorrow. Like, I'll be sitting in class and the deepest, most awful, gut-wrenching thoughts will enter my mind and I just feel like crying or throwing up.
It's like, it's just now that I realize I will never see him ever again as long as I live, and that we'll never crack a joke together or do cool brother stuff. It will never happen. He's gone.
And I just really have a tough time dealing with that. For the past 4 years, I was fairly normal and managed to accept that he was gone, but now these over-emotional thoughts consume me so much that I can't concentrate on studying and I sometimes just stay in my room for hours being depressed and sad.
For instance, one night a few weeks ago I flipped through like 8 photo albums of old family pictures and just started crying when I should have been studying for a midterm. I failed of course.
It's not like I want to forget him, I just want this pain to go away. It's like only now I'm realizing a huge part of me died when he left us. It's really hard. I never really had any close guy friends, so we were always best buds. What can I do to cope?
- Trying to cope in New York
Dear Trying to Cope in New York, I am deeply saddened by your extreme sorrow. Different situations in life will trigger a memory and you have hit the nail on the head. Due to the fact that your 21st birthday is approaching and you are close to your brother's age, it has transported you to a place where you are unable to depart. There is something about our birthday that occasionally makes us realize our mortality! On this earth, we have two dates ordained by God: The first is the day we are born, and second is the day we go home. There are two destinations, Heaven or Hell. Your brother being your hero says a lot about him! Sometimes God takes His children early. We have to realize, life here is a temporary assignment. Some are here for a few years and some for many. Whether it is 5 or 105, it passes quickly. Your brother’s assignment was for 22 years on this earth, now he is in the hands of a just, loving and kind God, your brother’s creator. He is now doing what God had planned for him next. Trust me he is delighting in what he is doing now! What happens when we die is we immediately get a new, perfect body! Where that body goes depends on who we loved while we were on this earth (God or Satan)! You looked up to your brother (at the tender age of 14), he was your hero, and he had a pure heart! Only the pure at heart can see the face of God. Your brother loves you very much and is waiting for you. Know that HE IS WAITING FOR YOU! Take comfort in that he is not gone forever; it is not true that you will never see him again. It is extremely difficult for those of us that are left behind! It is not difficult for those that have been reunited with God, and he has. It took me a few days to answer you because I wanted to be sure to tell you the truth, and the truth is we long to be where your brother is now. Spend the rest of your life seeking the face of God as your brother did, honor God in everything you say, think and do, so when your assignment here is over you will be rejoined with your brother and he will be proud of you!